i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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