I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
