She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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