She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
