Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
