hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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