I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
