I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize