im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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