I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
