I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
