i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
