well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
