Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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