i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
