There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My vagina is officially offended.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
