Sry I called you an 8
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
