i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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