I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
