I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
