Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
