I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
