so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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