She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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