can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
