so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
