He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
