K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The adults are the big ones right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
