i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
