You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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