Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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