this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
