I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
