What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
