I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
