she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
