you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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