how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
