You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
