im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
