Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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