"it" just moved
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
