Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
