maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
