I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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