so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
