Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize