have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
