i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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