no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh god it's open bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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