everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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