It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize