YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
