okay pat passed out under dana's car
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
