I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
