her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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