I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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