I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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