did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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