Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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