Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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