oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
