You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
