at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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