I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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