im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
