Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
