my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
