It's Friday. Sex?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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