In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
