I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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