he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
