so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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