my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
