If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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