I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
