I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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