Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
