I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
