Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
