ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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