you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
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