When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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