Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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