Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
