She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
