Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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