nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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