Apparently you make a good broom.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
