How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
