Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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