Where is the hickey?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
