Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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