We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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