some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
