If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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