I love black thongs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
