no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm passing your future prison.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
