So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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