We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
