Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
