I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
