i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
