I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
